Because for me, living serves Christ and dying is even better. If I continue to live in this world, I get results from my work. But I don’t know what I prefer. I’m torn between the two because I want to leave this life and be with Christ, which is far better. However, it’s more important for me to stay in this world for your sake. I’m sure of this: I will stay alive and remain with all of you to help your progress and the joy of your faith, and to increase your pride in Christ Jesus through my presence when I visit you again. Most important, live together in a manner worthy of Christ’s gospel. Do this, whether I come and see you or I’m absent and hear about you. Do this so that you stand firm, united in one spirit and mind as you struggle together to remain faithful to the gospel. That way, you won’t be afraid of anything your enemies do. Your faithfulness and courage are a sign of their coming destruction and your salvation, which is from God. God has generously granted you the privilege, not only of believing in Christ but also of suffering for Christ’s sake. You are having the same struggle that you saw me face and now hear that I’m still facing. (Philippians 1:21-30, CEB)
I feel like this devotion needs a CW (content warning): suicidal ideation…
Paul writes to the Philippians, “But I don’t know what I prefer. I’m torn between the two because I want to leave this life and be with Christ, which is far better. However, it’s more important for me to stay in this world for your sake.” Paul wants to leave this world to be with Christ. I honestly read that as Paul wants to die so that he can be with Jesus. Yet it is important for Paul to be here for the Philippians. And because the Philippians need him he is going to stay.
I think we gloss over this passage and do not dwell on it because no one wants to say that Paul was considering suicide, yet I can not see another way to read this passage. Paul says he wants to leave this world and be with Christ and yet he also needs to be here. He finds a valid reason to not leave. Mental anguish is real and many go through these thoughts every day. Know that you are never alone and we will get to be with Jesus soon enough.
If you are feeling this way reach out to someone. I would rather sit with you for hours through darkness than sit 15 minutes through a sermon at your funeral.
Paul had a reason to stay, and so do you.
Loving People. Loving God.
aSacredRebel 