What You Really Told Me When You Said Retard

Language is powerful.  What we say and how we say it has impact. I love someone with a disability.  I know how language can be respectful and uplifting and how it can degrade and demean.  I have done my research and made evidence-based arguments.  I should be able to discuss this calmly with you.  I shouldn’t be afraid to speak up.  I know I’m right.  But I also know this conversation can be a wedge.  It can make people feel embarrassed and uncomfortable – defensive even. I don’t want to make people feel ashamed and I don’t want an apology.  I know you mean well and have probably never thought about it before.  I’m not judging you, but I want you to understand how the words you choose matter to me and to Evelyn and other families like ours.

When you say, “I felt like a retard!” or “That…